Kerry On Syria: No Boots On The Ground, Cross-Trainers Instead

Unknown-2Secretary of State John Kerry testified this week before Congressional committees. His goal was to convince them to invade Syria. C-Span noted with barely contained disbelief that Kerry has the unique ability of talking out of both sides of his mouth. However this talent is not obvious to the naked eye. The images are visible only in slow motion.

  • What Kerry said: There is no need for the U.S. to deploy boots on the ground in Syria.
  • What Kerry means: No boots. Soldiers will wear cross-trainers instead.
  •  What Kerry said: We will use appropriate force.
  • What Kerry means: No matter how many hundreds of thousands of sports-footware-clad soldiers die for the cause, that number falls well within the ‘Appropriate’ category.
  •  What Kerry said: Our negotiations have led to a much narrower authorization.
  • What Kerry means: President Obama asked for the moon when he only wanted a slice of cheese.
  •  What Kerry said: We are winning over the undecided in Congress.
  • What Kerry means: OMG! We’re going to lose this vote! And then Obama will kill me. Literally kill me!
  • What Kerry said: There no longer is any doubt that troops loyal to al Assad used chemical weapons against his people.
  • What Kerry means: Someone somewhere did something as near as we can tell. But don’t hold us to that.
  •  What Kerry said: Anyone who votes against action is just like those who turned away WWII Jewish refugees forcing them back to Nazi camps and death.
  • What Kerry means: Are you willing to kill lower class U.S. children in order to save Syrian children? Are you men, or are you rats? We prefer rats.
  •  What Kerry said: Are you comfortable if al Assad gasses his people again because of you?
  • What Kerry means: This will make an amazing campaign soundbite: Republicans kill babies.
  •  What Kerry said: It’s a guarantee. If we don’t act together with other countries, we know what al Assad will do.
  • What Kerry means: God help us! No other country is going to join us. We’re going to go it totally alone! Alone!
  •  What Kerry said: The solid rubber outer sole on your new shoes features delta-shaped nodes for traction and durability on multiple surfaces – deserts or fields.
  • What Kerry means: These shoes are meant for walking. And that’s what our soldiers are going to do. They’re gonna walk all over you, al Assad!
  •  What Kerry said: The Trainer 11.2 Men’s Shoe features lightweight flexibility, supportive lockdown and excellent traction.
  • What Kerry means: The boot budget was eliminated during sequestration. So feel lucky you have anything to wear on your feet at all, Soldier!
  •  What Kerry said: The shoes manufacturer locked in a fit designed to enable explosive power.
  • What Kerry means: They’re cool. But they won’t do diddley squat if you’re bombed.



Source: Gloria Christie