WASHINGTON, D.C. – In response to the worst natural disaster affecting the state of Colorado in centuries, Rep. Louie Gohmert (R-Texas) is taking the approach that the federal government should not help the flood-burdened state. Instead, he said in a press conference on Tuesday, “we should let God assert his will without interference,” even if it means that people are without food, water and their homes.
“God has blessed Colorado with an ocean,” stressed Gohmert. “Coloradoans – or is it Coloradans, Coloradoites? Colored people? That can’t be right. Anyway, people from Colorado should be amazed at the great work of God. They can have both mountains and an ocean in their back yards, front yards and in the middle of their living rooms. If God didn’t want Colorado to have an ocean, why did he give them Rocky Mountain oysters?
It’s the people who are fighting God that are making things worse. FEMA should get out of Colorado right now. The taxpayers shouldn’t pay for repairing the destroyed roads and bridges. They need to stop building drainage ditches. They are a violation of God’s will. If Coloradlys really want our help, we’ll help them build an ark, but only one.”
Derrick Alvarez, 34, of Denver, had this to say, as he was disposing of all his flood-destroyed possessions, “Gohmert’s a f***ing moron.”
Colorado Governor John Hickenlooper replied, “how do f***ing morons like this even get elected to office?”
Brenda Catterly, 52, of Boulder, said from her temporary shelter, “give me just five minutes with that f***ing moron and I’ll show him God’s will.”
Televangelist Pat Robertson went even further than Gohmert, saying that the flood was God’s wrath because of legalized pot or civil unions or maybe all those breast-shaped mountains. “I’m not sure which it is,” opined Robertson, “but you’d better believe that God is pissed off at Colorado.”
When asked if God might be angry because the gun lobby had managed to recall two state senators for calling for tighter background checks, Robertson responded, “God loves guns. If you would read the Bible, you would know that.”